The Paradox of Effort

Why trying harder isn't the answer...

Sometimes when I go to the masseuse (which is rare, because I believe in suffering), they press on my shoulders and say, Wow, you’re really tight. And instead of being concerned, I feel a swell of pride. Like, Yes. Tell me more. Are these the tightest shoulders you’ve ever encountered? Am I breaking records here?

(If this is starting to sound like a euphemism, don’t worry—it’s not.)

The thing is, I get competitive about things that have no real-world value. Who needs a Nobel Prize when you can have the most tension in your trapezius?

And that, my friends, is ego.

There is literally nothing useful about trying to win at having the tightest shoulders. It’s not about health, it’s about feeling special.

There is no award for having the most tension—but my ego wants there to be.

And it’s the same with writing.

I always want things before I’m ready for them. I’m so impatient to be good or great or better than I am. I see this in myself, but I also see it in the brilliant and talented writers I coach.

We all want to be exceptional. We (meaning: I) put in effort, push and grind through…

But not everyone can be exceptional. Like, by definition, that’s not how it works. Right?

Alan Watts, the philosopher, talked a lot about The Paradox of Effort:

‘Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.’

The harder you try to control something, the more tangled it becomes.

Oh, I feel this right now. I’m stuck, stuck, stuck in the writing of my current book. And the more I push, the stuck-er I feel.

The answer, of course, is to stop pushing and let it unfold, trust the path etc etc Basically to realise that if I stop trying to force brilliance, I might actually find joy.

James Clear says, ‘Whoever has the most fun, wins.’

The joy is in the climb.

(…But see, there I go again. Does it have to be a climb? Can’t it just be a flat, aimless wander?)

What books are currently in the middle of your Joy-Jealousy Venn diagram?

Katherine